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| deeper into BE-ing .... |
| 04.23.04 (3:02 am) [edit] |
Helllo people...
I am going to try something new here. Its called being on time and up with the times and living in the present instead of living in candyland and shit. I am not entering Laos as my last blog stated- dated ONE MONTH AGO. I have actually been through Laos and Cambodia and back to Thailand and out now into India! (I may try to recapture some of the stories from Laos and Cambodia that I caught in my paper journal) BUT for now its time to live in the PRESENT.
I left Karen and Brett on a bad note. It hurts to know that I am able to blindly hurt someone I love so much by floating around and not being practical and communicative. It being an unintentional, unconscious thing -that I am often often late and holding them up- is no defense for the lack of consideration for others that comes attached with it. I know it distracts me from my own ideals at times and I guess I needed to see how detrimental it can be firsthand - Even though I tried to repair it throughout the trip- at the end of the trip I flaked and flaked again. I am too many contradictions that I am trying to balance.
I left Thailand in a rush with a pain heaving in my chest about how time slips out from under my feet and I hurt my friends... Much props to people who can stay together on one path, becasue when we signed up to travel together - we didn't realize what we were getting ourselves into- this crazy acid trip with downs and lows and surreal visions of the foreign worlds that are actually MATERIAL - and then navigating them and balancing out 3 different energies and needed messages for our individual paths - always pulling me out of wack with the 2 energies that have made their paths one in many ways...
I arrived at the airport 2 hours too early, kicking myself because I could have made our ending time better and more reflective of the real love I have for my friends... I guess I can serve noone more than myself right now and so its good to be alone so that I am the only one left to hurt by my actions and lack thereof....
Into India....
I am now in India. I arrived in Dehli this morning at 5 and it took me 4 hours to get into Parganj, where I live at the Bright Guest House. Because no system is logical and smooth and easy in India, I spent my first 4 hours getting through the airport, waiting on a crazy long line shoving to the windowto get a prepaid taxi voucher and then a taxi, then finally driving out through the garbage eating cows and shit infested, and rickshaw and trinket cart and stall seller ridden streets to get to the Bright House. Its quite colorful here, and if you don't watch where you step at every second you might get some of that color on you... a rickshaw to the gut oblack and blue or the worst color to pick up is brown and moo gooey on your shoes...
While at the airport, in a sleepy haze, waiting for my plane at 2 am, I saw this Jesus looking dude pass by me and I said to myself "What's up Jesus." A little later he ended up having a seat next to me on the plane and we talked as if we have known each other for centuries... as he says we do.
This visionary Israeli Jesus character named Gil Solomon has been here many times and there's something deep and soft in his eyes that we discussed is also reflected in my eyes too. We decided to share a room and pass the time together for a while. Most of the time we have sat in silence and can understand each other deeply by speaking a language without words when we look into each others eyes - its a language I always said I wanted to invent and its one that he has shown me is possible for he is fluent in it also...wow.... I said India was for me alone and then fate sends me a nomad meditative Jesus to look after me... so odd! But even odder is how every moment I can unravel a divine message about my path... it all fits in ....
So I hear the Dalai Lama is in Canada and then the US. Ironically I come in part to see him and he's in my hometown. I spoke to my Reiki Master's Tibetan monk friend, Kuun Cho on the phone this morning and he says The Dalai Lama may be back in time for me to see him... I think i will spend one more day in Dehli so that Gil and I can visit the Bahai Temple and then leave for my 12 hour bus ride up north....
We'll see how things fall into place....
as they are....
much love and peace to you all... Andrea
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